Unscripted: One Story of Me
Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will
sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
(Psalm 55:2)
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He
cares for you.
(1 Peter 5:7)
This was a tough time for me and one of my worst episodes so far... I got out of my room, ran to my quiet place to just cry and really get some things off my mind to God. I wanted my life to end at that point cuz I just got out of the exam hall and decided to get some rest when I got a heartbreaking message from home...
Angry with God and everything that existed, I switched off my phone, planned to miss service, go AWOL for a day or so...
It's a bit painful sharing this though everything is okay now but I feel that this piece may help someone get some burden off their chest. Verily verily, I say unto you, this is the unscripted journal of a once depressed me...
13th July 2017
I want to give up.
I’m tired...
No one cares and I know. I’m tired of
feeling like they do because I know that they’re so many of them pretending.
Even the one I care for doesn’t acknowledge me ever in her life.
Some may care though but I prove to be a
burden... A big one!
Today, I’m tired... I’m scared.
What if everything we’ve worked so hard for
as a family just crumbles again? This is the second time Lord! What do you
want?! I’m freaking tired! I don’t care anymore... whether it’s heaven or hell
that’s happy or angry... whatever!
Why do things seem so bleak? My heart is
heavy and breaking Lord... I’m weak!
So here’s me coming back again to you... I
can’t seem to run away. Even when I want to rebel, you still pull me back in
(so annoying...).
I have to get myself away from my best pal
and expect things to be fine. I’m supposed to write my exam tomorrow and
pretend like ‘all is well’ (one idiot…me!). How I am even supposed to prepare
for it? Put myself together to read, pass and make You and my people happy...as
always...
Yet I still can’t blame you. I can’t deny
that you’re good and that just seems so messed up because I really want to
blame you right now!
Then again, you’re the anchor for my soul.
My rest is in you and so is my peace, joy and... All the good good stuff...
My life and walk with you isn’t a buffet! I’ve got to eat all of it... good times and bad times.
So please Lord! I need the antidote before I
pass out...
Oh... I did get the antidote right on time..
ReplyDeleteDidn't even know that my retreating and outcry was quite 'scriptural' (Lamentations 3: 28-30,MSG). Be led.